We went to a wedding of one my first cousins on my mother's side over the weekend. I have 6 cousins on my mother's side, 3 of whom are already married. This is the first wedding that we are attending. There are a lot of reasons to why but I do feel bad about not being present even if circumstances may have been out of my control. Regardless, it was a beautiful wedding! I have fond memories of my aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins from when I was a kid. I would always look forward to all the cousins getting together and family coming into town when we stayed with my grandparents. When we moved to America, my Dad did not want anything to do with my Mom's family and we gradually distanced ourselves over time. Sometimes, I think that gap grows too large to bridge as the years go by and everyone moves on with their lives. For the moment though, for me at least, it was nice to just all be together and celebrating. Forgetting any past hurts or wrongdoings and with no expectations for the future. Just living in that moment and being present with the knowledge that all the people gathered there would never be together again under those circumstances, in that place celebrating that occasion. It was great energy - great huaca. Sometimes when you leave a celebration or gathering, it leaves a feeling either good or bad which ferments and grows over time. This was a good feeling. I danced in the organized dance performance for the first time and actually enjoyed it. M. loves to dance and was nice for us all to do it together as a family. It actually gave me comfort and confidence going out together with M. and the kids. Rather than skirt around the subject, I was fairly open about quitting my job as well. If asked directly, I just said the truth and in a way, it was liberating. I still don't have a plan but have to accept the present, my decisions and the path that has led me to this moment in my life.