On Smoking

I've smoked cigarettes since I was 17 years old. No one smokes them anymore - I went into a smoke shop and the 30 yr old cashier says he really only sells them to those 40 and up. Its actually quite an amazing case study on how young people stopped smoking - what was the tipping point? Vaping? Banning cigarettes in public places? Media campaigns? Access to information? Banning the cigarette advertising? I've gone through phases when I've stopped and phases when I've smoked a lot. I know they are bad for your health. I still like them. It calms me down...almost meditative. I've realized though that its not the actual physical product (the cigarette) that I enjoy - it's the activity that I'm doing while I'm smoking. Cigarettes themselves are nasty. They stink. They are expensive. You feel like shit if you smoke too many of them. What I enjoy were the activities I was doing while passively smoking a cigarette. Taking a walk in the middle of the day. Talking to coworkers during a smoke break. Talking to strangers and meeting new people at a bar. Just the meditative act of getting out by yourself with your thoughts without the distractions of a phone or computer or another conversation. I also realize that after awhile, I can get addicted to the routine of it and that can get dangerous. Going for the same walk every day smoking a cigarette. It loses some of it's meditative, reflective nature and becomes a habit...a crutch. That's when I know it's gone too far.

I'm stopping smoking for now again. I still like it. But it's crossed over into becoming a crutch.