Road Trip

M and the kids are going skiing this weekend with M's family. I was not enthused about going. It's an annual field trip that they try and go on every year. I went on it once and did not have a great time. Also, shit hit the fan at the company I was at right after we got back from that trip and ever since then, I've always associated the ski trip with that. I've never gone since then and usually come up with some excuse - M jr was too young and needed to stay home, I was busy at work etc. Anyway, I've bitched about it enough where finally M said she didn't want me to come because it would make her anxious. I've never been very good at hiding my emotions - you can see what I'm thinking directly on my face and even I'm not sure what words are going to come out of my mouth when I'm put on the spot. Another thing that I need to work on but long story short, I'm not going on the ski trip.

That means that I have time on my hands this weekend without the wife and kids. I really don't need that time as I get it daily during the week now. Honestly, I was getting scared that I was going to get lonely so I'm filling it with a road trip. I'm going to rent a car and drive down to visit E (one of my best friends) down in Central Illinois. I'm going to take the long way down taking the small roads and driving through towns that I would never go to if I had other people with me or an actual destination in mind. I'm also going to try and visit my Dad in Indiana on the way back. My Dad and I have a complicated relationship if you can even call it a relationship. I haven't really talked to him since high school and to be quite honest, I'm not sure if we ever really talked before that. I've spent my whole life purposely ignoring him and trying not to be like him. I hate to say it but the brutal truth is I'm probably a lot like him in some ways. Hot tempered, frustrated easily in certain situations, difficulty getting close to people, job hopping, commitment phobic etc...the list could go on. I haven't actually called to see if he's around yet but we'll see what happens.