Thoughts on "A Truck Full of Money"

I'm not quite sure what to write about today. M and I went to another 40th birthday party over the weekend. It was adults only where everyone left the kids behind. Hard to believe that we are all getting older now. To be honest, I don't feel any different than when I was 20 yrs old - haven't had an epiphany of new knowledge or injection of confidence. If anything, I feel less confident and sure of myself now than when I was younger. In the teens , 20's and even early 30's, everything seemed open. Try new things. Its ok if something doesn't work, there's always time to pivot or regroup or try something else. Now, it does seem like that time is running out. I have way more materially now than I did 20 years ago but my mind doesn't seem as resilient or open or curious. It's almost like its been damped down...smothered in a blanket of my own making. I enjoyed reading that book about Paul English, founder of Kayak - "A Truck Full of Money". He seemed like a smart guy but with his own demons and flaws. It's probably easier to reflect on your shortcomings once you've become a multi-millionaire some level of success though. Or maybe not even achieving or measuring oneself by material success but it seemed like he always knew that he was a great coder or programmer. It's harder for me to take an honest look at myself since I'm not quite sure what I'm uniquely good at. A few things did stand out to me in reading that book.

1) Despite getting all that material success, accolades and recognition, I wonder if Paul English was truly happy. He seemed lonely and in the end, even though he was a cofounder of Kayak, it really was his cofounder's idea.

2) Always be recruiting and finding a great team. I'm not sure how true it was but it seemed like he lifted up those around him so everyone shared in success. That said, from the book, he seems like he may have been a very frustrating person to work for.

3) He had lots of ideas but not all of them panned out. I suppose that's constant adage to ignore failure and keep pushing forward no matter what. Does that really lead to fulfillment or happiness though? When is enough, enough?

4) Looking at the pure investment returns, I wonder who made out the most. The actual founders/employees who did the work of building and growing Kayak or investors who just wrote a check and took home many x their initial investment. Seems unfair (I'm just musing, not ranting).

5) He still achieved success and lived an interesting life even with his bipolar "disorder". I'm not sure what is going on with me but nice to see that can happen. Maybe in some ways use the good parts of his mind structure to do/come up with things that "normal" people couldn't.

6) I related a bit to the part where he quit or got fired (not sure what) from an early company and sat in his attic programming his way out of depression developing the xiangqi website. I'm glad things worked out for him even if it wasn't through xiangqi.

7) Not sure if this was the intended message or if even he believes this but luck MATTERS. Some things are out of our control. Can call it luck or god or huaca but there is something bigger than us which can shape the stories of these human lives we lead.